How to Ruin Your Life Anthology by Ben Stein

Author:Ben Stein
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Hay House, Inc.
Published: 2005-12-01T05:00:00+00:00

23

Feel Free to Say Any

Cruel Thing You Want to

Your Lover, and When

Reproached about It,

Say, “Hey, Can’t I Even

Express My Feelings?”

Yes, actually say “feelings” in a reverential way so that your lover knows that once the word is invoked, you can say anything you want and get away with it. When you’re in the midst of voicing these all-important thoughts, nothing else can possibly be allowed to come in the way of that expression. Saying how you feel is as basic as breathing in and out, right? If your lover doesn’t allow you to express those feelings, isn’t he suffocating you? Of course he is!

So say anything you like—no matter how hurtful—and when your lover says, “That’s a bit rude, isn’t it?” respond with an outraged look and a haughty reply, such as: “Oh, I guess I’m not allowed to say anything at all, right? From now on, I’ll just talk to my cat. She lets me say anything I want and doesn’t jump down my throat.”

Or else, say something really cutting, maybe about his mother or father, and then when he looks shocked, say, “I’m just trying to have a healthy relationship by expressing my feelings. But I guess that’s not allowed. What am I supposed to do—keep it all bottled up inside me forever?! I don’t think that would be healthy for either of us, do you?”

The beauty of this is that your lover really can’t provide an adequate response to your “logic.” What’s he going to say—“No, you’re not allowed to express your feelings”? Of course not.

So, feel free to say or even do anything you want, and know you can get away with it. Why? Well, shucks, you’re just expressing your feelings.

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